Nothing but the truth

Sometimes I will write a post, and then delete it for fear of being to negative. But this post I am going to be very honest...
Every day I struggle with losing my dad. I think about him constantly and what my life would be like if he were still here. Because I know it is our plan, it makes it a whole lot easier to stay focused and have a better attitude. But I sure do have my down days that's for sure.
But do you want to know one of the hardest part about losing my dad? Having my mom dating. It's a really hard thing to understand if you aren't going through it directly. I've always known my parents were soul mates, and meant for each other. So it's hard to think that someone could even love her a fraction of what my dad did. It's hard not knowing what the future will be, especially since I will be gone for a year and a half and so many things can change in that time frame. I have to admit, I don't have a very optimistic attitude about the whole thing. I want to just scream, run, and hide under my covers most of the time. Change is hard for me, especially when I'm not the one in control of the change. I feel like this is the worst timing for all of this to happen. But I have to remember, it's not about me. Not even a little bit. But it does impact me, and that's the hard thing.
Even if I was a little bit in control, it's not my place to decide. And I had a powerful reminder of that in the temple yesterday. It's a bit too personal to share, but I know what my dad wants me to do right now. That's all I needed was his comfort and peace to tell me exactly what I needed to do at this time for my mom. I cannot even tell you how special that was for me. Although emotinally I am a crazy person right now, I at least know what my plan is from here, and that is an extremely comforting feeling :)