Mission Prep

I absolutely ADORE mission prep. Like, I would seriously go to it if it was every day. No. Joke. But sadly, it is only once a week. I look forward to it every single time though. Even though I only have it once more before I leave.... reality check..... wait.... no.... it still hasn't hit me. Sorry.

This month they had us go and actually be with a companion and teach a family from a different ward! Crazy huh!? The weird thing was... I wasn't even scared at all. Everyone else was freaking out and so nervous. I was just excited because it was going to feel a little closer to actual missionary work! Ashley and I got assigned to the same "mission" (aka- the Harvest Hills 3rd ward) and family.
I felt the need to pray together before we went in. I just wanted to have a good learning experience and bring the spirit into their home.
Oh, and by the way, the family agreed to do this before hand. They knew we were coming and all were very active. The sprit was already strong when we walked into their house. They had 6 beautiful children and were such a cute happy couple. We introduced ourselves and got to know them a little bit. They even had this adorable little 1 week old baby :) we taught them about the atonement and about forever families. Even though I'm sure they knew all of the things that we taught them we tried to go deeper and just bring the sprit. It also felt very natural to me. I felt like I could share my feelings and that the words were just coming out of my mouth. It is one of the stronger times that I have felt the sprit speak through me. We ended with a prayer and all the kids were smiling. Ash and I were beaming. The father thanked us for bringing the sprit into their home and we I think we both left on cloud nine :)
Overall, it was a wonderful experience. It made me even more excited to go out and teach those who don't know these truths that we have and help them understand and give them hope and comfort for the future :)

Something BIG

So back in August we had our annual back to school blessings. My cousin Dustin came over for dinner and we had him give us our blessings. I love the amazing spirit that just fills the room when blessings are being given. I feel it is especially strong when my family receives blessings because we can all feel, every single time not only our Heavenly Father and Brother Jesus Christ in the room, but also our own father. This might sound a little weird to some people, but we can feel our own dad speaking to us through the blessing. We have had many times where the priesthood holder acting in God’s name actually says things that my dad wants us to know. The experience is always indescribable. In my blessing I was told that something very big would change in my life this year. I thought… oh crap… I’m gonna get married. Mainly because that was the only thing going through my mind at that time. It scared me a little.

I didn’t realize until a couple days ago that it was not talking about marriage... it was talking about my mission! I just know that Heavenly Father knows us, what we need, and knows what is in our future. This just shows that blessings are straight from our Father in Heaven and that inspiration is real, and I know that will all of my heart.

The second thing I wanted to talk about was my scripture reading. I just love the scriptures. Sometimes I can’t stop reading them! I know that sounds really cheesy, but sometimes I cannot stop reading them! I got so into the scriptures, Preach my Gospel, and Jesus the Christ that I was up till 2:00am the other night. But I have been noticing that I keep reading about the gift of tongues. That scares me! I said that I didn’t want to speak another language (not that this means that I'll speak another language). I just think I could do a lot better if I were to just say things that I want to in my own language… so people could actually understand me… although I do have a first testimony that Heavenly Father will send me where I need to go. That is for sure. Even if I have to speak Chinese… I’m go where I’m mean to go and where I can find the people that need to hear the gospel. 

This has to be a dream...

I had one of the happiest days of my life yesterday. I always think something exciting will be announced in conference like everyone gets free ice cream or something (ya no... I don't really know what would be exciting, but I always hope there is something like that). Or maybe something scary like we have to start polygamy again. All I know about those things is that whatever President Monson tells us to do, I will do it without question and without hesitation.
The announcement that the age of going on a mission has been lowered literally changed my life in a blink of an eye.
As President Monson was talking about the boys and changed the age I immediately hoped he would change the girls as well. I waited in anticipation... I thought he would just change it to 20 because he had only put the boys down one year. When I heard him say 19 I thought I was in a dream. I didn't know whether to cry or scream in excitement. In reality- I was so incredibly happy and in shock that I didn't know what to do. I felt like my insides were going to burst. I couldn't even cry because of it. But believe me- that came later. I can't say that I can think of a happier I have felt in my life. Or at least it's in the top 5 times when I have felt the most happiness in my life.
I was with my roommates at the time he announced it, and I have to admit- I don't remember a lot of the rest of the first session. My excitement was really getting to me. I went to work a little bit before the first session was over in complete happiness. I had a 10 hour and 45 minute shift ahead of me... I didn't care a bit. The only reason I didn't want to go was because I wanted to call and cry to my mom. I waited in anticipation all day just to be able to talk to my mom. All the cashiers would talk to me about it. Even the customers would. People were just thrilled about the news! I even got quite a few texts and facebook messages of people telling me that I was the first person they thought of when they heard the announcement. I can't tell you how much that means to me!
Finally I got off, but my family went to bed before I got home so I couldn't talk to them about it.
Instead I got to talk to Austin about it and then Zach. But on my car ride home I couldn't help but pour out my heart in gratitude and happiness to my Father in Heaven. I couldn't even control myself. I can't even explain the moment in words. I felt so close to my Father in Heaven and knew that He was there listening to every single word I was saying. This was an answer to my prayers that I did not expect. It just goes to show that we have no idea what is in store for us and Heavenly Father has a plan for us and it will not always follow what we want. I'm just lucky this time it was exactly what I wanted, just not at all what I expected.
I had been praying to find myself and know what I needed to be doing in my life because what I was doing just wasn't working. Sure I was going to school, working, making friends, reading my scriptures, going to church, all of that. It just felt like something was missing. I kept saying that to my family and friends. I just thought that I was missing a boyfriend/husband or something. Mainly because that is what I wanted so badly. But I was already planning on going on a mission. This just means I get to go earlier and it will be a little easier to have a plan for my life. I am going to drop everything and go. I will finish this semester at school and go when and where I get called. I cannot even wait. And I haven't even turned in my papers yet! This is going to be an agonizing next couple of months just waiting. But I know I can do it! At least I will have school occupying my thoughts to help!
I told my mom after the first session of Sunday conference. I had already texted her and my whole family basically knew me, and knew that I would be going. But I hadn't actually told her. Plus, I wanted to make sure that it was the right thing, and that I wasn't just too excited about it to not listen to the spirit. I fasted that morning. After conference was done I just knew I was supposed to go. I looked at her and said, "Mom, I'm going. I'm going on a mission." Then I just started balling. I told her my testimony and said that I knew President Monson was an instrument in God's hand because I had been praying for it. She hugged me and we cried together. It was definitely a moment I will cherish and never forget.

I just know without a single doubt in my mind that Heavenly Father knows our needs, wants, and he knows what is best for our church. I know President Monson is called of God and receives revelation through him. This is going to be a huge change in our church, but I know it will be for the better. And I can't wait to start serving people in need of the gospel for a year and a half of my life! I can't wait to have another experience like I did with Jackie. I can already see the impact that her having the gospel in her life has done. 2 of her friends are getting baptized now because of her. Because of course, this isn't for me, it's for the wonderful people that are ready to hear the gospel and I can't wait to be an instrument in my Heavenly Father's hand to find and teach them! :)

Why am I so blessed???

I wonder this almost every day.

But really? Why me???
I just don't get it... what did I do to deserve all of these blessings? There are people out there who have to live each day wondering if they will even get to eat. And I sit here, throwing my food away if I don't want it.
This not only makes me feel guilty when I think about it, but makes me realize how truly blessed I am.

Today while I was at the temple I met one of the  most amazing people I have probably ever met in my life. As I was sitting there in the foyer, drooling just thinking about the missionary that had just baptized me/making a plan to talk to him after he came out, a woman came and sat down next to me. I was reading my scriptures, so I didn't see her at first. But then she just started talking to me. I hardly remember what we were even talking about, but I just couldn't help but be completely happy.

She was 27 and had never been on a single date.
I'm 19 and have been on countless dates.

She had been through 37 treatments of radiation for a tumor they couldn't remove.
I don't even get headaches.

She was made fun of in High School.
High School was a breeze for me.

All of her grandparents have passed away.
I still have 2 wonderful grandmas.

Because of her tumor she is now considered by society, a "special needs individual."
In society's terms I'm considered "normal."

Her mother is in a wheelchair.
My mother can walk.

She can't go to college.
I'm going to BYU.

As I sat there listening to her I struggled to understand why my Heavenly Father has given me such a great life. Why am I so blessed? I don't think I will ever know the full answer until after this life. But sometimes I wish I could just give others the things I have. I just want to make it easier for them. Besides that, I feel so selfish because I have it so good, yet I complain about the silliest things every day. One thing she said that really hit me was, "If I don't get married in this life, I know I'll get married in the next."  I know that's true, but just hearing it out of someone's mouth who truly meant it, and was looking forward to that day was humbling.

Her sweet attitude towards life was what was getting her through. She would talk to almost every single person that was walking in or out of the temple. She had the biggest grin on her face, you couldn't resist feeling an immediate feeling of joy, even if you just saw her. She knew where she was going in life, and knew what she needed to do, and she was doing it. I can't imagine all the people's lives she has touched. Because she sure touched mine in a way that I will never forget.

Cathy reminded me that life is precious and that we should enjoy every moment that we are here. Not worrying about the little things and always having a positive attitude. She also reminded me of how truly blessed I am, and that I need to thank my loving Heavenly Father for all the many things I have every day.

I truly believe that people come into our lives at certain times for certain reasons. We may never figure out the reasons, but everything has a purpose.

Heavenly Father has a plan for me. And he has a plan for Cathy.

I may not know all the details, but he does.
All I can do now is live my life the way he would be proud of.

How to get to sleep...

The other night I could not get to sleep for some odd reason. I am the kind of person that can fall asleep at anytime anywhere. Plus, I sleep super deep so I don't wake up for anything.
The other night I just couldn't get to sleep. I went to bed around 1:00 and I was just not falling asleep. A couple hours later (literally, I was watching the clock, it was 3:30) I finally realized that I hadn't said my prayers that night. I don't even know why I didn't. I always remember to, and I had even read my scriptures, I guess I just had a lot on my mind. So I kneeled down and said my prayer. I got back up, layer in bed for a couple min and went right to sleep.
I'm so glad that I actually didn't get to sleep because I didn't want to miss that opportunity that I had to talk to my Father in Heaven :) He knows what I need and knows how important prayer is. Plus, I love talking to him and I know that he loves listening ;)

The Golden Ticket

I was having kind of a rough time this weekend just with stupid things. So I started talking to Austin about it and he bluntly told me that I need to stop complaining about the one thing I don't have and start being grateful for the things I do have. I have a great family, I'm going to a great school with a full tuition scholarship and I have great friends and I'm doing things right in my life. Who cares if I don't have someone. At first I thought he was just being rude so I was blocking out things he was saying. I thought: "He doesn't know what I'm going through, he doesn't know what it's like, how dare he be that shallow." I told him I just wanted someone to vent to, not someone to tell me what to do. I was pretty mad I'm not going to lie. So he left, me being not too happy with him.

But then later on I started thinking about it, I really do have everything I need, why was I complaining about my one stupid little problem. How selfish. I felt like a complete idiot. I didn't want to admit it to him, but I texted him and told him sorry and thanks for the reality check, I really did need it.

Then later that night I went with my mom to the Relief Society broadcast, just at our stake center. I loved all of the talks, but I was ESPECIALLY blown away and spiritually filled from President Uchtdorf's talk. His talk was meant for me (I know everyone thinks this all the time, but this time it really was meant for me :D) and it spoke to me, and was overwhelmingly powerful. What I really loved was his story about Charlie and the Chocolate factory.

No one was satisfied with regular chocolate anymore. Everyone was searching for something better, the magic golden ticket. They would stop at nothing and do everything they could to obtain this one thing they wanted most. He goes on talking about our golden tickets in our lives. How many times do we want something so bad that we will not be satisfied until we obtain it.

He tells us that we need to slow down and enjoy the sweet chocolate in life that we already have and stop wanting more, or, the golden ticket.

I wanted to cry. He really was talking to me, and after the talk with Austin I felt even more stupid and like I really needed to change. All I was doing was looking for my golden ticket, and that's all I was concerned about. It was slowing down every other aspect of my life and I wasn't being grateful for what I have now and what is here. I really changed my perspective on how I'm living my life and made me want to be better. It didn't make me feel inadequate, it just made me want to be better. President Uchtdorf really has that power over people. Never making you feel like you are worthless or not doing enough, he always tells you how wonderful you are and gives you tips for improving your life.

The next part of his talk that I really loved was the analogy about the Forget me not flower. He gave 5 examples of things we should NEVER forget.

Forget not...

1. To be patient with yourself.

2. The difference between good and foolish sacrifices

3. To be happy NOW

4. The "why" of the Gospel

5. That the Lord loves you

All of those things are thing we all need to remember but especially me and I'm grateful that I had this time to really reflect on myself and what I need to be doing and it helped me so much! It helped me see the whole picture and I loved every second of it :)

Another experience I want to share is what happened in church today.

We have a little boy in our ward named Brandon. He just turned 12. But today he passed the sacrament. He has another boy in our ward standing next to him and guiding him the whole time because Brandon has some disability and can't do it on his own yet. So the boy helped Brandon pass both the bread and the water. It made me really think about Christ and how he is always with us and guiding us. He doesn't do it for us, but he is always there and helps us when we need it, or ask for it.

It also made me once again realize how special these people are. I love them to pieces and admire them. They were chosen before they came here to be in this body. Satan cannot touch them. That's why they are in these special beautiful bodies. They also bless, strengthen and humble the lives of everyone they meet. I can see the light in their eyes. They are literally perfect and have a one way ticket to heaven no matter what.

Another boy in our ward that I know very well bore his testimony today. His name is Sebastian. He has cerebral palsy and is in a wheelchair and can hardly speak or hold his head up. He has always had a special place in my heart. The way he bears his testimony is his dad or mom (this time is was his mom) brings him up and face him towards us and they talk to him before about it but he just has the biggest cutest grin on his face. His mom goes to the pulpit and asks him questions like: do you love Jesus, does he love you, do you love your family, do you love to read the scriptures and simple things like that. He responds yes with a squeal and a huge grin, and a no with saying no. Every question he just gets a huge grin and squeals. You know he knows it's true. He may not say it. But he knows that it is true. It's such testimony builder to me.

Anyways that's all. :) crazy fun weekend but that's how I like them.

The End