I REALLY don't think you want to know what goes through my head

I feel like I should just write down things that go through my head as I'm writing this... it will be very boring. But I think it might just help me relieve somethings.... and it would help if I knew it was public.

And this is on a good day.... I don't even want to tell you about the bad.

Right now I am really just loving life. I just got finished watched 2 new episodes of The Office. I am really confused though because I watched the most recent one last week like I always do, but there were 2 new ones on hulu this time. Best. Day. Ever! I just got done talking to one of my best friends on the phone, laughing and having fun. I  received and read a letter from Elder Trotter. Work was a blast today and I'm very grateful that I'm not blind from the sausage juice...
My window is open and my fan is on. And guess what... I'm still hot! Holy cow! I'm in shorts and a short sleeve shirt! How on earth did I get called to the hottest place in America? I get hot very easily. It's not very often that I'm very cold. Plus, I get really uncomfortable when I'm hot as well.
I love most of the people I work with. They are just hilarious and we have so much fun. I pretty much have a sweet job. My cute cousins baby shower is tomorrow and then my other cute cousins baby blessing is on Sunday! I'm prepared for an awesome weekend! I'm even about to go to my sisters game.
I've been having trouble finding skirts. They don't quite have the spring clothes out and all the skirts in the mall are too heavy of a fabric. Or they are too short. Or too long. Or too tight. I have a feeling I will be getting most things from the missionary mall.
I was having kind of a rough week with my self esteem and things, but it's been better the past few days. I really don't know what was going on. I was being so hard and down on myself. Being with my mom yesterday really helped. Also- actually finally being able to get really ready for the day helped a lot too. With my work I don't really do my hair and when I get home I just change into something comfortable. Good stuff. My mission feels closer. It will be exactly 60 days tomorrow and 2 months away on Sunday.
I really like my family. A lot.
We are getting our basement finished soon! Hopefully. If everything goes as planned. The only thing I wanted was to get mine done before my farewell so we could have more room. Our house is not big. But it's not really small either. It's very... average. But having the basement finished would give us SO much more room and would be perfect for a farewell! But I don't think it will happen. The guy who is doing it is out of town for this week and won't be able to get us the bid till next week. And then there is getting is started and everything. They said 2 months. I'll be gone by then if they start in 2 weeks.
My dog is really getting old. It's sad. I really hope she doesn't die on my mission. But then maybe it would be easier...
My mom is really happy. It's been a rough couple of months for our family. There have been some hard days with missing my dad. But we just keep going!
Katelyn is getting better at basketball.
Ashley is stressing about the end of a season. I don't know what she's going to do with her life when she doesn't have basketball...
Karly is doing the pageant! I can't wait to help her! I know that she'll do good! There are 19 girls doing it this year! Darcey was freaking out!
I'm good. You know. I'm just me. I feel extremely un prepared for my mission. Hopefully that will all change soon. I found this awesome blog to help sisters prepare for their missions. Already it has helped me sooooo much!
I'm going up to visit Zach next weekend! That'll be fun!
Wow. I cannot set up lamps.
I think I need to take a shower.
Hamburgers are soooooo good sometimes.
No. I do not think setting up a shed would be very much fun at all.
Salt would not be good on top of chocolate cookies.
It's weird. I'm more excited to send out my package to Elder Miller than he will be receiving it!
Sometimes I just want to slam people's heads on the wall and knock some sense into them...
I have been dreaming about things too much lately. I think I've got my whole life planned out. I mean everything. But I know I don't. I hope that I don't get heart broken in the end. Who am I kidding? Of course I will.
I have amazing friends.
I have an amazing and true religion that I wish I could just scream at people and tell them everything that I know!
Someone need to conrol me so I don't eat all of Ash's toblerone...
I just want to sleep right now.
Why the heck am I writing this....?
I wish American Idol was on every single night.
How do they make stuffed animals...
Tolblerone gets stuck in your teeth so much!!!
Why do my only pair of pants that aren't ripped have to be too big for me all of the sudden. I guess that's a good thing. No.
Smoking is so stupid. Like seriously. Probably one of thee dumbest things you could do.... sorry. I know that was probably offensive to people. But this is what this post is all about. Tell you stuff that is in my head right now.
My dad used to watch Andy Grammer a lot. My mom was watching is when I came home from work today. I really liked it.
I miss my dad a lot. Every single day is a struggle.
I would rather go wait in line at the DMV for 10 days then go and get the cement off the back of my front teeth again.
My orthodontist makes me want to pull all my teeth out and get dentures.
Plastic for your teeth cannot cost 35$ on a discount. That's impossible. Yet I am in debt 70$ because I like my teeth to be straight.
Winter is the best because you do not have to shave your legs.

Yeah. That helped.

Oh dreams...

Normally I don't remember my dreams. But when I do, they are usually really really weird and pointless. But last night I had the weirdest and most real dream that I have ever had. Of course it took place at work (because that's all I have been doing lately) and involved one of my favorite co-workers and one of my favorite people in the whole world. It was not happy though. I woke up and once I finally realized that it was a dream, the same feelings in my dream haven't gone away. It wasn't like love or anything, just like sadness... I don't really want to tell it...
It literally is like sticking with me and I can't seem to shake it off. The feelings seem real, like it totally could have happened. I don't even know how to explain it all, but it really freaked me out more than any nightmare I've ever had. Ugh. Dreams can really be amazing and awesome. But they can also really suck. :P

Unagi

*WARNING- boring, blabbing alert...

I am so writing about this again. I am in the state of Unagi again.

My life is just complete bliss right now.
I can't tell you how happy I am every day. I love my life and everything about it!
I love my family.
I love my calling.
I love my friends.
I love my job...............
I love the gospel.
I love church.
I love... everything really!

My mission is only 87 days away and in a weird way, it actually feels like it's getting close!
My mom is now sort of off her crazy work schedule and we can start preparing a little more.
Sister Arnold gave a fabulous testimony today in church about priorities that I really needed. Now that I am "officially off break" I need to start doing productive things with my day; especially because I am leaving for a mission soon, and I don't have a ton to do (at least that's what it feels like) because I am not going to school. I still have work to occupy a little bit of my time, but I still have a lot more to do to prepare. But so far- everything is going smoothly.
They say you can feel Satan working overtime on you the second you have your mission call. I think he has been slamming me since I made the actual firm choice that I was going to serve a mission. But lately, it's been harder than ever. And like I have kind of mentioned, it's not even really with "bad sins" but more like time wasters and selfish acts. But I have the determination and faith that if I am preparing how I should, and doing what I should, my Heavenly Father will help me to overcome the power of Satan. The temple has been a great strength for me. I feel at home, and at peace. I can talk to my Heavenly Father on a deeper, more personal level, and feel his endless love for me. Even just surrounding myself with people that are kind of on the same boat has helped. Today we had a temple prep class after church for the people who are soon to be leaving on their missions or turning in their papers. Being around these young men strengthens me and makes me even more excited to be on my mission and be able to interact with so many wonderful people. I can't even express to you how happy and anxious all of this makes me feel! :)

What Calder's do on holiday breaks...

Take modeling pictures by a hippie bus.  

Go hard core surfing

Eat yummy canolies with Ryan at midnight. 

Sing Happy Birthday to my mom with Spencer blowing out the candles 

Make lots of treats for my moms 41st birthday!

Make my mom breakfast for her 41st birthday 

After Christmas trip to Kneaders 

Went to the Calder family party on Katelyn's birthday

Made Katelyn a cake for her birthday 

Ate "pink grasshopper" shakes with Ryan 

Laughed at Ryan when he dressed up for a midnight trip on Saturday for food 

Drank hot chocolate and played pac man with Kate 

Saw this great thing 2 days after Christmas 

Took this beauty 

Made my mom this birthday cake (soooooo yummy. Orange creamcicle cake :))

Ate here on the 29th. Good stuff. 

No finals for 2 years!

Yes. I. Am. Done. With school... for 2 years!!!! I can't even tell you how excited I am to be done! But I am even more excited to be going on my mission! I took my mom and Danny with me today to take my last final, sell my books back, and go to a meeting. The meeting was with the accessibility center. I had been through a lot of testing to see if I had a learning disablity. I am proud to say- I AM NORMAL. This is a huge relief! And probably a surprise to most people. My mom swore that I had ADD... so HA! I do actually have a math disability... but we all knew that already, and it's just below normal. Not SUPER below normal. Oh man. It's been a good day. Then we went to Chuck-a-rama... Danny's choice. My mom and I fought it forever, we wanted PF Chang... but he didn't. So he won... cuz he's hilarious. 

Then I went to institue for the first time today! That was fun! Cute boys though... not a good thing before a mission... 

"I'm Peter Pan trapped in an aging body."

My mom decided to try EVERY SINGLE food there. Like everything. Even all the deserts. Then we put all the drinks in one cup too. It was great. 

Her eating the food. 

Basketball!

I was trying to come up with a better title for this post... but I really just can't... 

That's been our life. I go to at least 3 basketball games every week... but this week it was four! Yes! Ashley is now 2-4 for the season and it's looking good from here. She had 19 points her last game so that's pretty awesome. Katelyn has only lost one... but I can't remember how many they have played. Maybe they are 3-1... ya... that could be it. 

We went to the BYU basketball game on Saturday! I forgot how much I miss watching college and professional basketball. I used to watch it all the time with my dad. Ash and I haven't really caught back up with that yet. We used to know every single player on BYU and the Jazz and would go all the time with him. We have 4 all sports passes because we wanted to be able to go to the basketball games as well as football. The students (oh wait.... I am one. Ya. That still hasn't sunken in and I just finished my 3rd semester) were CRAZY! It was so entertaining! I can't wait to go to the next one! 

We also went to Los Hermanos with everybody after and had a good laughing time there ;) I love these guys. 

We laughed pretty hard at this guys. Provo Utah everybody :)  (and I have to say I'm grateful that it is covered... I wouldn't want to see that all of dinner) (Ok I need to clarify... I don't think it's "gross" or anything because it's art. I just wouldn't want to be "distracted" by it all dinner....) (Ok I so need to clarify again. I'm not a crazy person... or... ok I'm stopping. You get it) 

A little photo update

This has to be the first thing on here... only because it is hilarious and will be a treasure someday. If you have seen Despicable Me... you know what this is :) 

I feel like all my blog posts lately have been about church and my mission... I need to also tell you what's going on in my normal day to day life right? What better way then PICTURES! I don't even know where I last left off with normal things... so I'm just going to guess...

*WARNING- these are NOT in order even a little bit. 

Took pictures of beautiful rainbows

Watched my dads funeral picture video and discovered he looked just like one of my cousins babies... 

Went to my uncle EJ's 60 surprise birthday party, and then went to the Bezzant pie party (no picture sorry) 

Took a pic of Kate sleeping after Karl hit her in the head with the car door... 

This creepy lady on the wall in Zach's cabin... 

Took another picture 

Took another picture..

Went to Ash's first basketball game against Orem. (nope... not a win)

Built this challenged snowmen with these great people.

Found this treasure and build a wall full of these lovely old pictures.

Taught Karl how to write a letter. 

Played apples to apples and I soooo WON! (I might just be a little competitive even in silly games... thanks for that dad)

Build this masterpiece with my besties. 

Hung out with Zach and his family at their cabin!

VOTED! Aren't they thrilled? 

Ate lots of food on thanksgiving!!! 

When we thought that was cool...

Remember all of those silly things that we thought were so cool... whether it was fashion of the time, foods, or even just simple things that when you are a kid are just pure awesome?

Those poncho things that looked like weird grandma sweaters...

Or when the super long jacket knitted other grandma things were also cool...

We aren't going to even go into game boys, pokemon cards, pencil boxes, the glue bookmarks from the pencil boxes

In my 6th grade class hot Cheetos had just come out and everybody loved them... it was the biggest and probably cheapest auction item when we would auction off our points we had been saving for months. The person who won the Cheetos was basically crowned a hero.

Walkman's that skipped the disc when you walked.

DVD players in your car.

Automatic car doors on your van.

The fast drying nail polish.

Going into the teachers lounge.

Being able to skip class.

How the tables folded up in the lunch room.

Jumping the farthest off the swing was the coolest thing ever.

That huge colorful parachute thing (ok, let's face it... we all still want to do that again)

The one kid who would eat paper.

Making those long paper chains for events that seemed to take years not just months or days.

When driving in your moms lap was soooo fun.

When you are the first on the bus, at the bus stop, or get the very back seat.

Gel Pens.

Putting olives on your fingers.

Robin Egg lip stick.

Being able to make those paper fortune tellers.

Devotional- Gratitude

We had this great devotional yesterday about being grateful for things. Lets just say- I needed it. I haven't been the happiest camper lately, and there are a lot of reasons for that, but I've just been mean. I was trying to figure out how to change that and I have no idea how this didn't enter my brain because we have been taught this so much. Anyways. I started a gratitude journal and I know that it will help me! I guess stress just makes me a very angry person... but I'm so grateful for my family first of all for putting up with me. And my great friends (Christina, Kailey, and Jackie) for putting up with me. And my Heavenly Father, for always forgiving me even when I keep making these silly mistakes.

The Start of Family History! (my timeline)

Lets be real. Right now, I'm supposed to be studying. But that is literally ALL I did yesterday. I actually think microbiology and art history are interesting and all... (... sure) but I just need to focus! Ah!
Ok, here is what I had to do for my Family History and Temple Work class. I moaned about it at first because I have a horrible memory. But once I got going, I actually enjoyed it!
So here is the start of my family history! And well... my history ;)

My Time Line :)

1993- April 19^th: Born at American Fork Hospital in American Fork Utah.

1993 July- First trip of many to Flaming Gorge Utah.

1993 November- First College Football game (Rose bowl in California) (yes we are football and camping fans)

1994- April 19^th: First Birthday with family and friends. I don’t remember this, but I have seen pictures.

1994 September 19^th- Became a big sister. My sister Ashley was born exactly 17 months after me. We haven’t been separated yet. My mom swears we were meant to be twins. She even gave birth to us at around the same time and in the same room in the hospital. We often get mistaken for twins.  

1996- June 20^th- became a big sister again! My sister Karly was born. I was still too little to remember her birth. But my mom did say I fed her cheese when she was just tiny.

1997- December 31^st- became a big sister of AGAIN! My sister Katelyn was born. I actually remember my mom coming home with her (I was just 4) and I was learning how to write.

1998 Summer- I learned how to ride a bike (I then tried to teach my little sisters how to do the same)

1998 August- My first day of Kindergarten

1999 Fall- I lost my first tooth. I remember crying to my first grade teacher because I had lost it. Then we looked through the trashes but we never could find it. She then told me I could write a note to the tooth fairy and I would still get money.  

1999 Spring- I got my ears pierced. Ashley got them pierced at the same time as me. My favorite color was red so I got red studs and she got pink.

1999 Summer- Started Piano lessons when I was 6 years old. It didn’t last long.

2000 Spring- My very first Soccer game. We were the pink panthers. I still have a trophy to this day from that season.

2001 May- I was baptized. After words my whole extended family came to my house to eat Mexican food in my back yard.  

2001 September 11^th- The world trade towers were hit. All I remember is being at my friends’ house, (I was being babysat) and my friends’ mom just being in a panic. The next day at school all we did was talk about it. I was only 8, so I don’t remember a whole lot, I didn’t think it was as big of a deal as it really was.

2001 October- My first trip to Disney Land. The park was almost deserted. It was right after 9/11. We took our motor home through Nevada and had a really fun trip. Especially because the park was not crowded. 

2002 August- Moved to Saratoga Springs UT

2002 November- My very first basketball game. I was not very good, but my dad always practiced with me and I loved it. Here began my love affair with basketball.

2002 Winter- First Time I babysat. I was only 9, and Ashley was 8. But since we were together we made 17. It was just for our neighbors across the street. This started us babysitting kids all over the neighborhood. Even to this day.  

2003 Winter- I got my tonsils out in 4^th grade. I was out of school for a week and I remember being mad because the girl in the room next to me got to go home before me. Only because I threw up right before I was supposed to go so I had to stay longer.

2003 Winter- I failed my spelling class in 4^th grade. I remember the SEOP vividly with my parents and my teacher Ms. Wacob. I was a troublemaker in 4^th grade.

2003 June- Made my first batch of  MANY cookies. I actually made the pudding instead of just putting the dry mix in. The cookies were flat and gooey. But they were still so good!

2004 May- My Grandpa Calder died. One of my first experiences with a death of a loved one that I can remember.

2004 Fall- I had what I call my first “real” crush. Only because it’s the only one I remember well enough. The boys’ name was Kyle. He sat next to me in 5^th grade and gave me jerky. That to me meant he liked me. Therefore, he was my first crush. 

2005 January 1^st- My life took a dramatic turn when my father had a grand mall seizure on New Year’s day at 3:00am. I was woken up my mom telling me to go open the door for the parametics. I climbed into Ashley’s bed because I was scared. I watched in horror and confusion as they wheeled my best friend out on a stretcher.

2005 January 1^st- I learned that my dad had a brain tumor that we probably wouldn’t have caught if we hadn’t have been playing video games and most likely would have killed him sooner than it did.

2005 Spring- Made it to the state science fair with my science experiment in 6^th grade on the color and waviness of your hair and it’s effect on strength. This was also the first time I felt at home at BYU and knew I wanted to go there.

2005 Summer- My first ever girls camp. I remember we came straight from our annual family vacation from Flaming Gorge. My parents dropped me off, even though all the other girls had been there most of the day. This was the start of one of my favorite places on earth to be at- Girls Camp.

2005 August- Started Junior High. Very terrifying, but basketball got me out of my shell a little more.

2005 Fall- My first of many church callings as Beehive Second counselor (I went on to be the Beehive president, the Mia Maid 1^st Counselor, and the Laurels 2^nd and 1^st counselor).

2005 October- First 5K spook run at Willowcreek Middle school. I just did this with the basketball team. It was surprisingly easy for me as a 7^th grader.

2005 November- Made the Freshman Basketball team as a 7^th grader

2006 January- First sex ed class (this was a huge milestone) I had 2 people from my ward in this class. One of them (M’kenna Thornly) is still my good friend. And the other (Austin Miller) became my first kiss and boyfriend and is now my good friend.

2007 March- Joined Track in 8^th Grade- mainly to stay in shape for basketball. I did the long jump, the high jump, the 400, the 400 relay, and the 100.  

2007 November- First official Freshman Basketball game. I didn’t actually get to play when I was on the team in 7^th and 8^th grade because you are only aloud to play so many years of high school basketball, so this was a moment I’d been waiting for forever. To add to the excitement I actually got to start the game.

2007 Winter- My first 3 pointer made in a game which eventually got me my nick name “shooter” and I then switched positions to a shooting guard, or position 3, instead of a forward.

2008 January- Not a highlight of my life- I got braces

2008 April- I got my driving permit/ drove for the first time

2008 June 10th- my Dad passed away from brain cancer. He’d survived it for 3 ½ years.

2008 June- My first EFY. It was actually the week after my dad had passed away. It was hard to be there and not with my family, but it strengthened my testimony in a way that I needed at that time.

2008 Summer- I got my first job in the summer at PowerTri.

2008 August- Started High School at Lehi High. I was not thrilled about going to Lehi. Luckily I got to got to Westlake for my last couple years of high school.

2008 December- I got my first phone for Christmas! It was a blackberry pearl that was silver.

2009 February- I got in my first car accident. I backed into my boyfriend Austin’s car putting a dent in the back of my car causing his light to break and he also got a dent. I cried for a long time.

2009 April- I turned 16 and got my license the next day!

2009 May- A huge highlight and confidence booster- I got my braces off 

2009 June- I had my first date with Andrew Leonard. We doubled with his sister and her friend. We really liked each other at that time and even said we had a “song.” Nothing came of it but a good friendship.

2009 Summer - I got my first very own camera and took my first of billions of pictures (I became an amateur photographer)

2009 August- I started my first year as a Junior at Westlake High School.

2009 August- My first high school football game (I did not go to any football games at Lehi, and I never missed one at Westlake)

2009 September- Made the JV Soccer team at Westlake High School

2009 September- First High School date dance. Homecoming with Zach Wilson. I was the worst date ever because I had a huge crush on Austin and he was in our group, but with another girl. 

2009 September- Made Westlake’s first ever goal in soccer (I had no idea what I was doing. I was not good at soccer. I had a lot of the girls a little upset because they wanted the first goal)

 2009 October- I got to drive my friends in the car for the first time. They all had a half birthday party for me and we went (I drove them) to smoothie king.

2009 November- The first time I went paintballing with my friends (painful)

2009 November- I had my first kiss with Austin Miller in the parking lot after Katelyn’s basketball game. The next day we decided that we were officially dating at a young men young women’s activity when we split a brownie. The funny thing about that is that from when I first moved into the ward and saw Austin I always pictured myself dating or even marrying him. I never thought it would actually happen.

2009 Winter- My first time dressing as a man (that I can remember) dancing to the Jonas Brothers. I dressed as Joe Jonas. 

2010 January- My first official injury of my life, a concussion I got while sledding on New Years Eve. I couldn’t play basketball for 2 weeks. 

2010 Winter- I put on my first mustache with my cousin Katie and Ashley. We had one of the craziest night ever, with blow up dinosaurs, mustaches, silly string, basketball, movies, and stalkers.

2010 March- My Junior Prom. One of the best nights of my life! I went with Austin Miller. We had a super fun romantic night. 

2010 April- I figured out what I wanted to major in- Athletic Training. 

2010 May- I joined Alyssa’s Bridal’s Fashion Team. I actually didn’t apply. But my friend Rachel had been on it before and knew I wanted to do it. I had just missed the deadline. So she hooked me up because the Miss. Westlake had dropped out. I didn’t even have to apply or anything.

2010 July- I went on a pioneer trek. This was one of the most fun, uplifting, spiritual and testimony building things I have ever done.

2010 July- I was made/set apart a member of seminary counsel

2010 September- I was in the homecoming royalty with Austin.

2010 November- I applied for BYU

2010 Winter- I got my second job as a children’s basketball referee

2010 December- Austin and I broke up. The beginning of a long, hard, emotional next few months to come.

2010 December- I got my third job at Burger King

2011 January- The neapolitan group was started (me and my 2 best friends)

2011 February- I got accepted to BYU- one of the proudest moments of my life. I couldn’t believe it when I read it. I did not have the best ACT score or the greatest GPA. I know I was meant to be there and that it was a miracle that I even got it.

2011 March- I did the Miss. Saratoga Springs Pageant I got 1^st attendant. This was something I just did for fun because I had a prom dress from doing the Alyssa’s bridal modeling, but I ended up loving it. Most people were surprised that I did it because I had never been into that kind of stuff, but I had a blast.

2011 April- I actually became Miss. Saratoga Springs. I got a call on my 18^th birthday telling me that I was going to move up to Miss. Saratoga Springs because the old one had become engaged. What a great birthday present.

2011 May- I got my fourth job as a janitor at Willowcreek middle school with Kailey.

2011 May- I got my first credit card

2011 June 2^nd- Graduated From Westlake High School

2011 August- Moved out for the first time

2011 August- My first Semester at BYU

2011 October- My Grandpa Bezzant died

2012 March- Ended my Miss. Saratoga Springs Reign

2012 April- First Cruise/ First time out of the country. We went to The Bahama’s, Jamaica, The Cayman Islands, and Cozumel Mexico a week before I had finals. A lot of things went wrong, but we ended up having a good time. We even did a lot of excursions on the islands.

 2012 April- I got my first F in college in my stats class.

2012 June- I got my wisdom teeth out

2012 Summer- My fifth jobs at Macey’s and WDS

2012 September- I am in a Family History class at BYU composing this timeline.

Here we go adulthood...

Here we go with just some more thoughts. I can't seem to just separate everything that's going on and everything that I'm thinking into separate posts so they will just stay in one.

Whhhhhhheeeeewwwwww. That's pretty much how I feel right now. For a couple different reasons. That biggest one- I just got done working out. I always thought that I hated working out. But to tell you the truth, I actually like it quite a lot. The only thing I hate is working out with people. I run on the canal trail by my house so people can't watch me. I also hate running with people. I just like going at my own pace and I almost feel like I do better if I do. I ran 2 miles in 20min. Now- I know that's not that good. But you have to give me a break because I haven't really done much exercising all summer. I mean I haven't really just been a couch potato, because I hike, swim, walk, STAND (a lot of that at work) and just lots of stuff. But I've also been eating crappier than ever, which in turn has made me a chubsta ;) so I've been working on that, and hopefully when I move back into my apartment (which is the next whhhheeewwww) I can buy healthier foods and stick to my plan for my workouts!
Ok- now my next whhheeew like I said is that I'm moving into my apartment on Friday.... or Saturday... I dunno yet! I moved more than half my stuff in yesterday. I actually have a lot less stuff now. I'm my mothers daughter and don't mind throwing things away, so that's what I did when I first moved out, and then when I moved back home. So, here we go again, more trash. Besides that, you know how when you are cleaning out your closet and you always think that you're going to wear "that one shirt" sooner or later. It fits and everything, you just never wear it. Well- I had a lot of those. So, I got rid of them. The result- only 3 1/2 boxes of clothes! I'm still deciding if that was a good thing or not, now that I write it, that is not very many clothes (for a girl... I think).

Seriously. Stop reading now. I'm just venting my sob story that's in my head.

But that weird thing, I feel like I'm actually an adult now.... I have no idea why. But everything feels different this year. I'm kind of thinking that I actually have a car, 2 jobs, I found my own apartment, and I feel like I've learned a lot this summer, about myself and just life in general, which has helped me mature a little more. That scares me a little. This year ACTUALLY feels like I'm going out on my own. It almost feels like my first year of college, but a little less nerve racking.
Oh! Another reason I'm freaking out. My GPA is LITERALLY .01 away from me NOT being on warning. Yes. I know what you are thinking. Because you are right, that is a really really bad GPA. I know that I will do better this semester though, I was just an idiot last year, so I need some forgiveness. So because of that, apparently I cannot get financial aid. Which is a big problem. Yeah, I have enough money saved for tuition and maybe books. But that's it folks. What about rent and next semester? Good thing I still have my jobs. But still.... I'm super worried. But I'm going to go and talk to someone about it, maybe they can help. But who knows.

I don't know if I like this adulthood thing. Money is such a big stresser.

...housing...

I write way too much in this blog. I mean, it is my journal, and I don't want to miss anything, but I'm sorry for boring you to death with my life. Ha although I do love my life, I realized it is far too boring for others to be reading. But that's totally fine with me! I'll continue because I love it!
So here's some more boring info!
I have been trying to get my life together because I haven't done much since school got out. I actually hadn't even registered for classes until Monday. Pathetic. I know. My mom would keep giving me hints here and there about how I needed to get my life together (how am I supposed to take that anyways?). Obviously, it was very true. So, I threw myself together, registered for classes, found and bought housing, applied for some scholarships (ok one), and have almost found another job. All in 3 days! I feel pretty accomplished!!
The housing was scary. If you think about it, housing pretty much impacts a ton of your life not only in college, but anywhere! It impacts the people you meet, how your ward will be, and a lot of other things I don't care to think about right now. Zach came with me and we went to a few of the places that I had researched were really good. All full. Every single one. FINALLY we found somewhere that was super nice and it seemed like a winner. It was! I didn't even ask my mom or anything! I just bought a contract! Crazy! I know! Whew. It was  relief though. Everywhere was filling up super fast so I had to get it as soon as I could. It was slightly exhilarating... just jumping on the boat like that (I have no idea if that is a real term used, I liked how it sounded...).

It's hard...

Yep. I'm sure you all knew this. But apparently I'm just figuring it out.
School. Is. Hard.
I am not good at it.
I'm struggling.
I want to break down crying quite often when it involves school.
I'm counting down the day's till this semester is over (20 school days) (only 15 if I go on vacation).
I seriously want to give up.
But I won't. Don't worry.
I hope it gets better.
I hope I don't fail all my classes.
I should be working on a paper right now.
I miss my family already.
I'm sick with a cold and have 4 exams this week plus a paper.
My room is a mess.
My laundry isn't done.

Yep. So there's some negative for you. I usually don't like to tell the negative. But I guess someone someday will want to know that my first year of college wasn't just a piece of cake, and it wasn't easy at all. In a few weeks I'll be writing all about the great things that have happened to me this year. I just had to get some negatives out first. :)

I don't have the brains right now to think of a title! :P

Right now I feel like my brain/head is literally going to EXPLODE! I have had the craziest week and it still isn’t over! I’m actually sitting in my psychology class right now (as usual) waiting for it to start. I can’t even think right now…. So forgive me because this might be confusing. First, someone like me does NOT get better on their stats exam than their music exam… weird. I think something in my brain has been switched. Maybe I’ll learn about it in this class right now… ;) To make it worse this is not my favorite class and I have to pee way bad and I’m STARVING! But, I didn’t have time to get something to eat or go to the bathroom because I got out of my stats test too late. I was in there for 2 ½ hours! It usually only takes me 1 hour for a normal test (but I guess math is different)! I was going insane! But I thought that I did really good on it, but I didn’t. Like literally, I thought I got at least an 80% (which is good in my eyes). Nope. I’m not going to say what I got. Plus, because I only thought my test would take at the most about and hour and a half I only planned on that much time, and I missed my favorite class that I wait so long to go to, my Book of Mormon class. To make this day even worse I woke up late so I didn’t get to my Stats lab. The alarm was set, I don’t remember me waking up to it. Even worse, I need more sleep, I have weird aches all over my body, I have a big paper that is hardly done due tomorrow, I have no time today to do it (literally), my hair isn’t done (that sounds stupid, but sometimes it makes me mad hahaha ok I’m never saying that out loud again, it sounded stupid) and AHHHHHH I just really need to pee!!!! I’m going INSANE! I probably would be crying now, but the truth is, I have a photo shoot today so I  don’t want to have puffy eyes (believe it or not, I actually do have SOME control over my emotions). I can’t wait till Saturday! It will be a break, but then it just means it’s closer to next week… which will just bring on a whole new set of challenges, mainly because I have a psychology test. SCHOOL IS HARD!!! 

Ok! I’m done with the negative! WOW! Sorry about that. At least you can all tell from this blog that my life is far from perfect ;) But I had a wonderful day yesterday! There are lots of reasons for that, but I’m not going to say because I have no idea who reads this ;) mainly because it’s read though facebook ;)

BUUUUT on Thursday Laura (my roommate friend) invited me to join their intermural soccer team! Whooohoooo! It was way fun (even though I suck at soccer and don’t remember hardly anything, it’s been since 11^th grade since I played) and I got some good exercise! Those are the best combinations ;)

So there you go. There is just 1% of my crazy week. I don’t really want to re-live it or think about what tomorrow will bring, so that’s all you are going to get ;) ;)

Ideas for Procratination to the MAX!

The truth is right now I'm supposed to be studying for numerous test. In particular, Music. It's a great class and stuff. Cute boys. BUT, it's really not my favorite subject. I don't mind sitting and listening to the lecture, my teacher is quite hilarious and is really smart. The book is not so good. But not as bad as my Human Development book last semester, now that was a horrifyingly boring book (and I actually LIKE that subject)! But like I said the lectures aren't too bad especially if there is a cute boy that sits next to you ;)
Half of the exam is listening to THIS (don't listen to it!!! I warned you!) great music. Sometimes I go nuts listening to it!!! That's what makes studying and the class so hard. We have to know a lot of things about the music and things to analyze who the composer is, what era he's from, the transitions, and even if it's men or women singing (ya, you'd think it would be obvious, not so much).
All in all, I'm about to die right now. I've been putting this off forever and I NEED to take the test tomorrow. One because I know if I wait one more day I'll have to pay 5$ to take the test. 5$ is very valuable in a poor college students eyes. And two I know I really won't study much more.

Since we are waisting time anyways, here are some things I put above studying (I DO NOT recommend doing this, I'm trying to get out of this nasty habit):
1. Blog Writing (obviously) "I just need to make sure that everything is updated and that I'm not forgetting anything including pictures and stuff... (no, bad idea)
2. Cleaning. Ya I'll deep clean my whole apartment before starting my papers or studying.
3. Laundry. My least favorite thing. (fact- this doesn't happen very often, it just depends on the subject needing to be studied aka- American Heritage, Music, Psychology, Stats. All my classes but BOM and Health Pro.)
4. Scripture Reading (VERY important but sometimes there are other things that need to be done...)
5. SLEEP. Yep. That is also what happened today. I *really needed a nap.
6. Food making. I'll make something really complicated...
7. Organizing.
8. Looking at swimming suits. There is only so many cute swimming suits online...
9. Watching the Office (let's just say I've seen every episode at least twice... there are about 90 of them... don't add up the time...)
11. Texting. Don't we all.
12. Reading blogs. I LOVE doing this though...
13. Staring at the wall.
14. Exercising.
15. Trying on clothes... not really but I'm thinking about it right now.
16. Talking on the phone.
17. Listening to music. Apparently I can't double task.
18. Looking at cars...
19. Facebook. Ya. I get on it when I'm desperate.
20. Making stupid lists of things that help me procrastinate. Wow.