I'd like to apologize

Ever since I've gotten my mission call I've been very bitter about when I was called to enter the MTC. I complained to a lot of you about how anxious I was and how mad I was about the whole thing. I didn't understand why I was leaving so late and why I had to wait so much longer than anyone else. To be honest, I still do not know completely. Lately I've been grateful that I've been here for certain things like farewells, blessings, baptisms, Karly's pageant and other things. But I feel really bad about complaining so much. I know that my father in heaven has a purpose for me. Even if I never figure out the exact reason, I know that everything will work out the way that it is supposed to. If I never know the reason, or if it may just be for the simple reason of transfers. It doesn't matter to me, and I'm sorry that I was so negative. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be able to serve a mission at an even younger age than I would have before. That is such a blessing in my life. Thank you all for putting up with me. Now that it is finally almost here I feel very awful about being so pessimistic. I am so grateful for my plan that Heavenly Father and given me and that I am able to have the gospel in my life. I'm grateful that I can repent and start over, and try my best to be better. I'm grateful I have the ability to serve a mission. I can't imagine doing anything else in my life right now. :) thank you for all your support :) 

Also- here is the link to what really helped me understand and realize that right now, my life is amazing and going exactly the way I want it. I was wrong to even complain about something so silly, when others are going through the unimaginable. 

Letter to me

There is a song by Brad Paisley called "Letter to Me." And before I go on, I think you all need to listen to it. It is truly awesome. Here ya go.
But I was listening to it and I was like ok if I could write one of these letters. Number one, it would not be as good as this one. But number two I have no idea what I would actually put in it...

I'd probably say to pay more attention to the road when you are driving Emily's car. I wouldn't mind going back to fix that. I have learned to pay a LOT better attention to the road from that. But I wouldn't call the cops so I could have saved 200$ and an hour of my life from traffic school.

I'd also probably tell myself to be a better girl friend to Austin. I know I know. Bear with me. I was horrible to him. In my small defense he was my first, but I just never learned how to be a good girlfriend for the whole year. You'd have thought that I would have figured it out by then. But I do nto regret actually going out with him. Mainly because I learned SOOO much about myself, friends, and relationships. It was a HUGE learning experience, and we had a TON of fun! That, I wouldn't take back.

I would have warned myself to pay a little better attention in Math and Astronomy. My first 2 C's were in my Junior year in those classes.

As of right now, I really can't think of anything else. But As you can see, it is hard for me to think of really anything huge that I would have changed in my life. Some people would think I would like to warn myself of my dads brain tumor earlier so maybe they could have done more. Of course I would give anything right now to have my dad with me. But you know what, I do. I get to have my dad on my mission with me. That, really is a true blessing for me. But really- I don't have any real regrets.
I have learned so much in my life from my mistakes. They have made me who I am today. If I were to change anything, I wouldn't have as strong of a testimony, or as good of friends. I wouldn't have as much knowledge about the "real world" either. Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us. It is meant to try us and help us grow, because sometimes their aren't any other ways to learn things than by making our own mistakes. Although those times can be extremely rough, if we come out on top with our Heavenly Father's help we will grow more than we ever even thought possible. And that is why looking back I don't have any real huge regrets, because I would not be the person I am today without them. :) and that's how life is designed to be. (I still love you Brad Paisley)

The sequel to- If you play with fire you will probably burn something (or someone this time)

Here is the sequel to If you play with fire you will probably burn something

We seriously do not know how to jump a car. Here's the story:

Karly is still kind of learning how to drive the stick. My mom has started making her drive it every single day to school. 

She drove the whole way to school with the emergency break all the way on... I don't know how someone could do that, but she said that she was too distracted to even notice. Ashley even had to tell her to turn on her lights... that one is understandable though. Our other car has automatic lights, and I guess you don't have to put on the emergency break hardly ever either. I asked her if she noticed the bright red light that said break on it... she said again that she was too distracted. 

So they made it to school... both of them said that it smelled SO bad... (the tires were like burning of course).

But Karly left the lights on. 

The car died.

We had to come and jump the car for them after Ashley and Katelyn were done with practice (Karl rode the bus home). 

I called Brock because... well... he was a boy and thought that he could help. I had jumped a car before, but I couldn't remember how to do it exactly. He said that he hadn't really done it except for once a while ago, but we could figure it out.

We got there... started hooking chords up, but the last one sparked so bad Brock couldn't even clamp it. 

So then he called his mom and she said that we were doing it right. We had the Mazda on and were hooking them the right way. So- we did it again and it worked. 

Brock's mom said to let it sit for a while. We did before turning on the dead car. But we wanted to sit in the car because it was really cold outside.
30 seconds later I see Lexi, Katelyn, and Ashley just sprinting from the car... I looked and saw that the chords were smoking!!

Here is it smoking... (Yes, we were taking pictures the whole time. Just like the candle incident )

We ran out there but didn't know what to do because they were hot but we needed to get them off! Brock found a sock and got one sort of off... but it burned through right away... I scrambled and found an ace bandage (don't know why that was in the car...) he wrapped it thick and then got the other chords off. 

They had melted all the way down. Almost all the plastic was off the chords... 

We called our mom. She didn't believe us for a while. 

Brock burned his thumb from when it had gone through the sock. It smelled of beef ramen noodles... 

Then we tried to push start it. 

We pushed it up and down the parking lot at least 5 times. We were so tired! It almost worked twice... then as we were about to go up the hill again a nice man (I think he was a principal or something) asked us if we needed help. We asked him if he could jump the car. 

He had a huge truck and all he did was hook the chords up the SAME way Brock did, but he didn't have his truck on. It started right up and was fine.... 

The reason that the chords melted was because our Mazda had too much power with the car on. Plus it had a bran new battery sooooo that's why the chords melted.

Stuff like this always happens when we hangout with Brock ;) 

It worked :) 

If you're wondering how my mom felt about this... it was also the same as the candle incident... she laughed. Hard. She thought it was hilarious that we almost blew up both cars and could have potentially killed ourselves (if we want to go that far ;)) 

We just know how to have fun I guess... haha 

Lifesaver.

Prayer can be a literal lifesaver! I can't even explain to you how much I truly believed that- and believe it even more now. 

Our dog Sandee loves to get on the roof. My window doesn't have a screen and my nightstand is right next to it, so she can get out pretty easily if the window is open. 

Well on Thursday it was a super hot day. I'm saying like BLAZING hot! Sandee wanted to go out on the roof. I didn't want to let all the cool air out (lesson learned- I need to stop being so selfish), so I decided that I would just let her out there and then close the window, thinking- oh, I'll just let her back in in a little while. 

But guess what? Of course I forgot about her.

I then went shopping with my sister and some friends. We were gone for about 4 hours. About 10min after we got home a lady comes to the door really concerned telling us that we had a dog on our roof. We told her, oh, she does that all the time. She just likes it up there. Then, I started to freak out! I had left her out there for more than 4 hours in the middle of the day on a super hot day! We ran upstairs and called her name. She wasn't coming. We started to freak out. I was thinking, crap, she jumped off and killed herself (really this is not logical, Sandee is way to smart for that). After about 3min of calling her we see her come around the side of the house and she is walking so slowly and with a limp. It was one of the most heartbreaking things that I have ever seen. I felt like a complete jerk and idoit (well, I should have- and still do). 

I'm just grateful for that women. I know that she was guided by the spirit to come and tell us that, and I'm so glad that she listened. 

Finally she got back in and she felt like she'd been cooked to death. We quickly got her some water that she gulped down as fast as she could. Then, she threw up half of it a minute later. Because she was so hot we put her near a vent on her favorite pillow in my mom's room to rest. I felt so bad. I was just laying in there petting her and I prayed so hard to my Heavenly Father to just let her be able to cool down and rest. The second I opened my eyes she was sound asleep. 

For the next few days we thought she was going to die. I was literally preparing myself mentally. Besides that, I felt like an awful person. Every time I would look at her a sick feeling would enter the pit of my stomach.

She walked like she was 200 years old and wouldn't do anything. She walked with a limp in her back leg and the pads of her feet were super burned she could barely walk anywhere. She wouldn't bark, eat, drink, or do anything. It was really sad because normally she is crazy and active. 

My mom almost took her to the vet on Friday morning because she thought she was done for. But then she looked it up online and started giving her half water half gatorade through a syringe every 30min. That actually seemed to help. She got better and better. And by Sunday afternoon she was pretty much back to her regular self! 

Now you are probably thinking- what the heck does this have to do with prayer. Well- for one- the little story about me praying for her in there. Second- all my family had been praying for her and she got better! It was kind of a miracle. Third- well, this doesn't really have to do with prayer. But Heavenly Father was sure looking out for us when she sent that lady to come and tell us about Sandee. We are 99% sure she would have died up there. Or at least died from the effects once we found her. 

As I'm writing this, a quote comes to mind that I just love. 


"God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs."


That is just the first part of it, and I know it has to do with serve. But i think that this applies here!

It's hard...

Yep. I'm sure you all knew this. But apparently I'm just figuring it out.
School. Is. Hard.
I am not good at it.
I'm struggling.
I want to break down crying quite often when it involves school.
I'm counting down the day's till this semester is over (20 school days) (only 15 if I go on vacation).
I seriously want to give up.
But I won't. Don't worry.
I hope it gets better.
I hope I don't fail all my classes.
I should be working on a paper right now.
I miss my family already.
I'm sick with a cold and have 4 exams this week plus a paper.
My room is a mess.
My laundry isn't done.

Yep. So there's some negative for you. I usually don't like to tell the negative. But I guess someone someday will want to know that my first year of college wasn't just a piece of cake, and it wasn't easy at all. In a few weeks I'll be writing all about the great things that have happened to me this year. I just had to get some negatives out first. :)

Mistakes.

Well. This week has been pretty rough for me. I haven't really had many things to do (which is weird because it is the week before finals), but emotionally, I'm on a huge roller costar (which is also weird because it's not even close to my time of the month). 
To start off the week I walking into church feeling good about myself and really just loving life. Sacrament meeting hits and it seems like every single person in the room is "with someone." Great. That made me feel a little dumb and even more lonely. But I kind of put it past me for the rest of the day. But then I was talking to my friend Kailey and I just needed to vent to her about it and that just made me think about being single even more. Ugggg. Prayer is always the answer. I prayed and felt better. 
But the real thing that helped me get past this really stupid thing I was worrying about (being single) was watching this random Christmas show I found on Netflix called Mrs. Miracle. It really wasn't even about love or getting over someone. For some odd reason it just made me feel ok about being single for a while. That really was the answer to my prayer, in a really weird, unexpected way. But that's just how the Lord works. 
So then I was having a pretty good week, so I guess you can't say that I was having that bad of a week. 
But then yesterday was when it all happened. 
Ok this is kind of painful for me to talk about so I'll try and make it short...
I had to go to a simply mac class at the simply mac store because my Mom bought me some classes when I bought my Mac and I still haven't used them. So I was just planning on taking my scooter, but it was super duper cold and I didn't think I would survive. So I asked Emily if I could borrow her car for a couple of hours (ps, this was the first time that I have ever borrowed her car). As always, when I'm borrowing someone's car I make sure that I am very careful. So I went to the class and then stopped at wal-mart to pick up some things. As I was driving down that hill on University Parkway I looked down for literally a split second to change the radio (literally, ONE STUPID SECOND). I look up and the car in front of me is completely stopped. Wow. That was really quick I though. But this light was really kind of in a weird place always, right at the bottom of the hill and a lot of the times it was a quick stop. But because of that split second that I looked down I didn't have much time to stop. I slammed on the breaks, after I realized that that car wasn't going to stop I tried turning/swerving to the right (where there was no cars, I was in the right lane) so I wouldn't hit the person in front of me. Fail. I hit into the person in front of me on the right side of their bumper and they hit into the person in front of them.
I felt like it was a dream. I didn't even know what to think. Surprisingly, I didn't start balling like I did when I hit Austin's car. I think I was just in shock that it had happened, and that I was in Emily's car. My first reaction was... what just happened. But right after that I so angry with myself, probably more than I ever had been. I literally was discussed with myself and couldn't believe what I had done. 
Then we moved the cars and the three of us (there were no passengers) started calling people. The first person I called, obviously was Emily. I started balling when she answered and told her what had happened. I felt like a jerk. That was one of the hardest phone calls I had ever made. She was comforting, but it didn't help because I felt like I was going to throw up. I then called my Mom and told her what had happen, balling my eyes out ( I haven't had a good cry in a while, so that might have contributed to all the tears leaving my eyes, I didn't think I had drunk that much water that day). Luckily for me she was visiting her friend in the Utah Vally Hospital so she was right around the corner. 
We called the police, yata yata all that happened. But I learned a lot about the people i had hit. The girl I had hit was going to UVU and was my age. The boy was going to BYU and had just gotten back from his mission. I'm surprised they even wanted to talk to me. I felt like I was a bad guy. It was one of the worst feelings I have ever felt.
After we had gotten it all worked out, I sat in my mom's car with her and just cried and cried. I just couldn't believe myself. Everyone kept saying that it was ok and that accidents happen. I didn't care. That really didn't help me in any way. I had still done it and it was all my fault. I really don't want to drive again. And I will not be driving or borrowing anyone's car ever again. I can't imagine how I would have felt if someone had gotten hurt. 
But anyways. Long, hard, emotional night. I'm glad that I was able to come back and Emily and Alyssa greeted me with a big hug, but I just balled even more. I can't even explain my emotions right now. 
But the thing was this event was what really triggered all of my emotions. I just told my mom I didn't want to be here anymore and that I just wanted to come home. That actually is pretty accurate at the moment, but I know I just need to finish this semester and take a break then I will be ok. 


But today was great. Sorry for all the whining. It was my last day of the semester and one of my favorite classes that I took this semester, well... that I have EVER taken was my Human Development class. I know I have said a lot about it, but the teacher is truly amazing. He ended perfectly today and really touched my heart and spirit with the things he said. But it made me realize how much my Heavenly Father loves me, and that a lot of people are way worse off than me. It humbled me greatly and was a great end to my semester. 
For the past few days we have been talking about parenting. It's been great to learn about the different ways to teach children, and figure out how my parents raised me. I'm so grateful for the way that they did. I have always known how much my parents love me. It has never been a secret and they showed it, and still do. My mom is greatest Mom alive. And my Dad was/is the greatest Dad. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I don't even think I deserve them. My Mom is always there for me and helps me in ever aspect of my life and I don't think I can ever re-pay her. I just hope that one day I can grow up to be like her, if that's even possible. 
But I'm just grateful for everything that has been going on this semester and how much I've learned and grown. Even if it's been hard, I know it's just for my good. 
I'll write more later. 
The end.