4 years and still going strong!

Today marks 4 years since my dad passed away.

Here's the condensed version of June 10th 2008.

My dad hadn't been doing good for a while. He was slowly going downhill. We were prepared for what we knew was going to happen. On Sunday we sat down and had a talk. My mom said that my dad would probably pass away while we were at girls camp. She then asked if we still wanted to go. We decided that we still did, we knew that my dad would have wanted us there. We then prayed telling Heavenly Father that we were ok with him taking our dad (more about that story here). It was difficult, but it needed to be done. The first day of girls camp was normal. We had fun playing games and making memories. The second day was the day we would leave for the 4th year hike. I was excited, but for some reason I had this weird feeling that I didn't want to go. I loved hiking! I didn't know why I was feeling that way. It was really cold, so we spent most of the time in the tent the night of the 4th year hike; I laid in my sleeping bag layered with all the clothes I had, talking to a good friend. I remember drifting off to sleep, probably while talking.
I then remember being shaken to wake up. I woke up wondering what was going on. I then saw my sister Ashley by the tent. Immediately I knew what was going on. She said, "Nicole, dad died. You need to get your stuff, we are going home." I quickly packed my stuff up and remember a couple leaders outside of my tent waiting to give me hugs and tell me everything was all right. I loved that; that they would wake up in the middle of the night in the freezing cold (it was about to snow at this point) to help us. We drove back to camp to grab the rest of my stuff in the car with a missionary and our neighbor/second mom Karen. I remember I really wasn't even thinking the whole time. I just didn't even know what to do. We got to camp and I remember walking into our cabin. Every single girl was awake. They bombarded us with hugs and tears. Everyone was crying I swear. It was a really special moment for me and Ashley. We couldn't help but ball with them. Soon our leaders had to come and pry us out of the circle surrounding us so we could get home. I think I now know why we were meant to be there. I'm so glad that we had and have such a supportive ward that cares so much about us.
I remember driving home with 2 of our really close friends- Karen Hackett and Cassy Gross. We talked about everything on the drive home. We got to my house to see cars lining the streets. We could tell that my family was there. I walked in and saw all my aunts and uncles from my dads side- his sisters and brothers waiting for us to come. They just hugged us and loved us. Our sisters were asleep on the couch and we walked into my moms room. I saw my dads lifeless body peacefully laying there. No one was crying at this point, but I couldn't help it. My hero and best friend was gone. Forever. Well, at least it felt like it. I knew this was coming, but I just couldn't help asking, why? Why me? Why now? Why him? Why this? My mind was racing and all I could do was stare. But I remember just feeling at peace because he wasn't in pain anymore. He was happy, jumping for joy, him and his dad in a warm embrace, looking down on us. He didn't want to leave, but he had to. It was his time. They needed him in heaven :)
My mom explained that all his brothers and sisters and his mom were in the room when he took his last breath. My 2 sisters who were home, were sleeping. They said they could literally feel him leave the room. I can't imagine being there watching someone pass away.
The next day we went and picked out a place for his grave. We chose the Orem Cemetery so that he could be close to his dad. After that we went home and just really wanted to go back to girls camp. It was Wednesday now. We were talking about it later in the day with Ashley's best friends parents and they said that they would love to drive us up there. So we grabbed our bags and headed up. I never remember regretting going back up to Heber Vally, or even going there in the first place. It was where we were supposed to be, like I said before. We finally got in and the whole stake was up at skit night. All I remember was walking up the hill to the amphitheater, and seeing everyone. Once they saw us it almost went silent as they stared at us. Our ward and everyone else was all smiles. They hugged us as we came up. It was amazing to see that everyone knew about it, and that everyone was so amazed that we had come back. I can't imagine that there is a better ward/stake out there :)
We stayed that day and all the next. But we ended up leaving with the bishopric on testimony night so we could get ready for the funeral which was on Friday.
Anyways, that is a really bad version of it... someday I'll look back at my journal and find what I really wrote about it. :)

Today while we were eating one of my dads favorite dinners we looked though a big book we have of memories that people wrote down about my dad on his funeral day. It is really fun to see how people remember him and all the great things they had to say. But Ash found this one that we loved. We don't know who wrote it, but I thought it was perfect.

A Giant of a Man


The world lost a Giant of a Man 
When Duane went home to God
His quiet, unassuming manner 
Portrayed a person at peace 
With self and with the world 


I testify to you that Duane
Will be involve with each of your lives 
When it is God's will 


Girls- sometimes you will feel a "heart-tug" 
That seems like Dad! 
Be Glad! 


Sometimes you will miss him 
More than you can say
That's ok 


Kristin- You already know about good days and bad
You will have more of those- happy and sad


You know all this! 
His body is now perfect, his mind is keen 
And even thought he may be unseen 
For awhile 
Our Father in Heaven surely 
Must smile
To have His precious son-his noble, kind and worthy son
Safely home- after completing his righteous 
Earthy Trial




We also made a list in sacrament of things about my dad. We each wrote one and then passed it on.

Dad...

liked saltine crackers
Basketball=life
was tickle monster
loved to serve
was our peacemaker
loved mom more than anything
eww...tomatoes
never gave up
created "stuff"
was better than the creators of Tiger Woods Golf
was the master of cards
king of teasing
butter fingers!
is Sandee's favorite
was close to the Savior
liked Kelly Clarkson (this one is a joke)
Hole in one
loved his Savior more than anything
loved everyone
was not afraid to wear blue...everyday
loved to make people laugh
competition... competition
wii bowling champ
didn't miss one BYU game. Nope. Not one.
I stand all amazed
Intensely blue eyes
ding dogs... yum
never ever missed church
gave remarkable hugs
loved daddy daughter dates
confidently bald
fishing, fishing, fissssshing
flaming gorge was his name
never questioned the Lord.

I think that pretty much sums it up :)