Mistakes.

Well. This week has been pretty rough for me. I haven't really had many things to do (which is weird because it is the week before finals), but emotionally, I'm on a huge roller costar (which is also weird because it's not even close to my time of the month). 
To start off the week I walking into church feeling good about myself and really just loving life. Sacrament meeting hits and it seems like every single person in the room is "with someone." Great. That made me feel a little dumb and even more lonely. But I kind of put it past me for the rest of the day. But then I was talking to my friend Kailey and I just needed to vent to her about it and that just made me think about being single even more. Ugggg. Prayer is always the answer. I prayed and felt better. 
But the real thing that helped me get past this really stupid thing I was worrying about (being single) was watching this random Christmas show I found on Netflix called Mrs. Miracle. It really wasn't even about love or getting over someone. For some odd reason it just made me feel ok about being single for a while. That really was the answer to my prayer, in a really weird, unexpected way. But that's just how the Lord works. 
So then I was having a pretty good week, so I guess you can't say that I was having that bad of a week. 
But then yesterday was when it all happened. 
Ok this is kind of painful for me to talk about so I'll try and make it short...
I had to go to a simply mac class at the simply mac store because my Mom bought me some classes when I bought my Mac and I still haven't used them. So I was just planning on taking my scooter, but it was super duper cold and I didn't think I would survive. So I asked Emily if I could borrow her car for a couple of hours (ps, this was the first time that I have ever borrowed her car). As always, when I'm borrowing someone's car I make sure that I am very careful. So I went to the class and then stopped at wal-mart to pick up some things. As I was driving down that hill on University Parkway I looked down for literally a split second to change the radio (literally, ONE STUPID SECOND). I look up and the car in front of me is completely stopped. Wow. That was really quick I though. But this light was really kind of in a weird place always, right at the bottom of the hill and a lot of the times it was a quick stop. But because of that split second that I looked down I didn't have much time to stop. I slammed on the breaks, after I realized that that car wasn't going to stop I tried turning/swerving to the right (where there was no cars, I was in the right lane) so I wouldn't hit the person in front of me. Fail. I hit into the person in front of me on the right side of their bumper and they hit into the person in front of them.
I felt like it was a dream. I didn't even know what to think. Surprisingly, I didn't start balling like I did when I hit Austin's car. I think I was just in shock that it had happened, and that I was in Emily's car. My first reaction was... what just happened. But right after that I so angry with myself, probably more than I ever had been. I literally was discussed with myself and couldn't believe what I had done. 
Then we moved the cars and the three of us (there were no passengers) started calling people. The first person I called, obviously was Emily. I started balling when she answered and told her what had happened. I felt like a jerk. That was one of the hardest phone calls I had ever made. She was comforting, but it didn't help because I felt like I was going to throw up. I then called my Mom and told her what had happen, balling my eyes out ( I haven't had a good cry in a while, so that might have contributed to all the tears leaving my eyes, I didn't think I had drunk that much water that day). Luckily for me she was visiting her friend in the Utah Vally Hospital so she was right around the corner. 
We called the police, yata yata all that happened. But I learned a lot about the people i had hit. The girl I had hit was going to UVU and was my age. The boy was going to BYU and had just gotten back from his mission. I'm surprised they even wanted to talk to me. I felt like I was a bad guy. It was one of the worst feelings I have ever felt.
After we had gotten it all worked out, I sat in my mom's car with her and just cried and cried. I just couldn't believe myself. Everyone kept saying that it was ok and that accidents happen. I didn't care. That really didn't help me in any way. I had still done it and it was all my fault. I really don't want to drive again. And I will not be driving or borrowing anyone's car ever again. I can't imagine how I would have felt if someone had gotten hurt. 
But anyways. Long, hard, emotional night. I'm glad that I was able to come back and Emily and Alyssa greeted me with a big hug, but I just balled even more. I can't even explain my emotions right now. 
But the thing was this event was what really triggered all of my emotions. I just told my mom I didn't want to be here anymore and that I just wanted to come home. That actually is pretty accurate at the moment, but I know I just need to finish this semester and take a break then I will be ok. 


But today was great. Sorry for all the whining. It was my last day of the semester and one of my favorite classes that I took this semester, well... that I have EVER taken was my Human Development class. I know I have said a lot about it, but the teacher is truly amazing. He ended perfectly today and really touched my heart and spirit with the things he said. But it made me realize how much my Heavenly Father loves me, and that a lot of people are way worse off than me. It humbled me greatly and was a great end to my semester. 
For the past few days we have been talking about parenting. It's been great to learn about the different ways to teach children, and figure out how my parents raised me. I'm so grateful for the way that they did. I have always known how much my parents love me. It has never been a secret and they showed it, and still do. My mom is greatest Mom alive. And my Dad was/is the greatest Dad. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I don't even think I deserve them. My Mom is always there for me and helps me in ever aspect of my life and I don't think I can ever re-pay her. I just hope that one day I can grow up to be like her, if that's even possible. 
But I'm just grateful for everything that has been going on this semester and how much I've learned and grown. Even if it's been hard, I know it's just for my good. 
I'll write more later. 
The end.