Paper Writing =)

So this is my paper that I had to write for my Human Development Class. I enjoyed writing it, although it was hard because we had a billion and one requirements and so I couldn't just write how I wanted. But that's ok :) I actually learned some things out of it ;) You really don't have to read it though, it's just kind of the story of my Dad and what I gained from that experience. :D

Introduction

June tenth may seem like an ordinary date to most, but for my family, this important date changed the outcome of our lives dramatically in more ways then one. My father was always my hero and best friend, as he was to many. His trials and death literally made me who I am today. This huge test in my life helped me powerfully build a firm relationship with my family, understand not only spiritually, morally, emotionally, and socially who I am but physically, and academically as well.

My Dad

New Year’s eve going into 2005 was a night to be remembered in countless ways. My family and I played our new Nintendo Game Cube at our cousins on their big screen TV all night long, laughing till we cried. Going home that night we were long past exhausted, not prepared or expecting what was about to slam into our path. All I remember about that night was my mom waking me up and telling me to go and wait for the ambulance so I could open the door for them when they arrived. Terrified and confused I ran downstairs to wake up my younger sister to tell her to open the door because I was too chicken. All I could do was stare and let my heart drop as they rushed my Dad out the door on a stretcher.

The next morning I will never forget. After my mom arrived back home from the hospital she told us the life changing news. Our Dad had had a Grand Mall Seizure that night at 3am, lasting a deathly five minutes. The MRI and CAT scan revealed he had brain tumor on the left side of his brain, thus resulting in the seizure. Being only 12 years old, I didn’t really know exactly what all of this meant. I thought, oh, well, they can just take it out and everything will be normal again. I didn’t know the half of it.

This very small event lead to a complete flip in not only mine, but dozens of others lives. The video games we had played literally had saved my Dad’s life. Yes, they did trigger the seizure, but that was exactly what we needed to find the tumor. If he hadn’t had the seizure we wouldn’t have found it as soon as we did.

The next month he had surgery to remove the tumor. They removed it and everything was fine for a while as he recovered and went through radiation and chemotherapy. Later on the doctors realized the tumor had re-grown, but this time, they wouldn’t be able to remove it because it was too close to his brain, and removing it could paralyze him. He underwent another surgery where he was actually awake and they talked to him, having him move his arms and legs to make sure he still could. The surgery ended, it went well. So we thought. My Dad became paralyzed on the right side of his body. This brought on a whole new book of challenges.

In the end we got to spend a tremendous amount of time with my father before he passed away, just 3 years after he had been diagnosed. Those 3 years were some of the best years of my life. Your life brings on a whole new meaning when someone close to you, that you love more then anything, is going through a severe challenge. This experience changed my life remarkably in many different ways.

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The first and probably the most obvious thing that changed in me was my spirituality. Not to say that I wasn’t doing well spiritually before, I was doing just fine; this hardship just brought it to a whole new level. The experience did this by increasing my understanding of the plan of salvation excessively. My grandpa (my Dad’s father) passed away just 2 years before my Dad was diagnosed. I thought I understood what it meant to be with my family forever through that. I was proven wrong. I now know on a much deeper level how much I want to be with my family forever. This knowledge helps me set goals for my future family and myself so I can reach my goal of someday marrying in the temple, so I can live with my family forever. Another thing that helped my spirituality was my Dad’s great example. He always had a good attitude about church and always attended, no matter what. Through the long course of his trial he only missed church once due to his condition, and that was because it was right after he had brain surgery. This example showed me how dedicated I should be to the gospel, and how important it is in my life. My testimony overall grew immensely through this time, and continues to grow even now as there are trials that still come from not having my father.

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I was always able to empathize with others well. This experience incomparably helped me with this. When my friend’s grandparent’s die, or my family members pass away, I am able to connect and emphasize with the people grieving way more then I could have before this trial. There was no other way to teach me how to passionately emphasize with others. Many people do not believe in miracles. I don’t know how I could deny them after all I have seen. I saw so many miracles and know that they weren’t just coincidence. The things that happened didn’t just happen. Heavenly Father helped my family by sending us countless miracles, therefore increasing my faith more then I could ever imagine. I look now and see so many miracles in my life because I learned to recognize them and be grateful for them. Then in turn I can help others see miracles in their own lives as well.

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The next important thing that changed in my life was my relationship with my family. My family has always been very close, we have something beyond special. Going through this trial made us closer then close. We spent every waking moment together because we knew our time with our Dad was limited. We literally became best friends. My two best friends that I know I will never lose, are my Mom and my Sister. This may not have happened if we didn’t go through what we did together. Spiritually as a family we were able to talk about things and understand things together that you can only understand when you have a family member struggling with what my Dad was going though. Because I was the oldest I had to help my sisters a lot of the time. Whether it was with homework, friends, or even just being someone to talk to. This helped me in turn build my relationship with them, but it also helped me learn that I was an example and needed to be doing the right things.

My Dad always treated my Mom like a queen. He would do anything and everything for her, even if he was the one that needed more help. That example greatly impacts me today and influences the way I treat my Mom. I try and treat her like my Dad would, always making sure that she is taken care of.

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Thirdly, my cognitive development was also changed. I never really enjoyed school; I did fine but never really had any goals. I wanted to go to college but never really knew why. My Dad always encouraged me to do my best. Through the end of his trial he was always there when I got home from school, and without fail asked about my day. My goal: to have something good to say every time. I knew he cared, and would ask me. That encouraged me to do my best so I would have a good report. The greatest thing that helped me see the bigger picture was seeing my Mom handle providing for our family. Because she had an education and a stable job, she was able to take over and provide in the place of my Dad in providing for our family. This made me want to go and prepare better for college because I knew that anything could happen and that I might be put into the same situation as my Mother later in my life. I wanted to be prepared and be able to get through it like she did.

Luckily for me, my Dad just happened to be friends with my junior high counselor. Through that, my parents were able to check up on me and have someone keeping an eye on me while I was at school to make sure that everything was going well. That also helped me to know that I had someone I could go to and talk about what was going on in my life and he would understand.

My dream had always been to go to BYU. My Dad’s family is die-hard BYU fans. I grew up surrounded by blue. I loved the school from the time I could talk. My Dad always encouraged me that I could do whatever I set my mind to. I knew it was hard, but I was determined to get in. As my junior year approached I became more and more discouraged about getting into BYU. My Dad had passed away before this time so I didn’t have him cheering me on. My grades were falling; I started to make new plans thinking I wouldn’t have a chance of getting in. Surprisingly I was selected from 10 students in my grade by my seminary teachers to be in a program for BYU. This gave me hope, but I was still thinking I would never get in. Once again, huge surprise, I didn’t think it was real when I made it in. I had almost paid the commitment fee for SUU. I was shocked. I knew this was because of my Dad and Father in Heaven. It was a huge blessing; I knew he was proud.

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Because I was the oldest I had a lot on my plate through all of this. I had to take on new responsibilities. This helped me learn new skills about myself. It especially helped me set goals to for my future family, and set a goal to be as good of a Mom as my Mom is. I learned to appreciate what I have because even though I was going through a rough trial, I still had my family, food, a house and schooling. I was so blessed, and finally realized it. I also really learned who I was because the trial did increase so many other aspects, through that, I learned who I was and where I was going.

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Socially I grew drastically. I was pretty shy when I was young. I wouldn’t do things by myself. I never was the first one to talk to someone, and when someone talked to me I got nervous and often said confusing things. Because I had to step up so much just at home it helped me grow socially by taking on more responsibility and being able to communicate with people better. People would always ask me how my Dad was doing, it was intimidating at first obviously because I was shy, but then as more and more people kept asking I became more comfortable telling them. One experience that really kicked me out of my shell was when we were at the airport. My Dad was in a wheelchair and he had to go to the bathroom. So, I pushed him to the Men’s bathroom. I waited outside the door for him. After a few minutes I heard a loud yell coming from the bathroom, I knew it was my Dad. My instincts kicked in, I didn’t even think as I ran into the men’s bathroom pushing people out of the way as I went. I came in to find my Dad on the floor out of his wheelchair. People were standing all around him, I asked him if he was ok. He was fine, just a little bruised. I think the men in there were astonished I would have the guts to come into the boy’s bathroom. I was too. We found out that a man had accidentally knocked my Dad over while he was walking with his cane to his wheelchair. This experience helped me socially by making me realize that sometime you have to do things you really would never do or even want to do, but you do them because you love someone.

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Physically I grew because I learned the importance of staying healthy. My Dad was always very active and healthy, that’s why he was able to be with us longer than expected. My Dad also helped me grow physically through basketball. That example made me want to be healthy throughout my life. Basketball was my life from seventh to eleventh grade. My Dad never missed one of my games. He encouraged me to practice, participate, and stay active in basketball. My Dad was a basketball star when he was young but I guess you could say he was when he was old as well. He worked with me all the time on my skills and was very knowledgeable. Even when he was in a wheelchair, he still took the time, though difficult, to work with me and spend time doing what we both loved. One last maybe abnormal way my physical growth increased was from always pushing my Dad in his wheelchair. We all loved to push him and it made us physically stronger every time we did.

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Emotionally I learned again, how to truly empathize with others more fully. This may sound funny, but I learned that you can cry. It’s ok to just break down sometimes and let your emotions out. I remember an experience I had, someone had said something mean about one of my friend’s Dad’s. I just wanted to blow up in their face and chew them out because they were saying those things. I learned that wasn’t always the best option, and most of the time would get you in trouble. Lastly I learned that you will have a lot of emotions in your life and there is no way to predict how to deal with them or when they will come, the only way to deal with them is to talk and work through it.

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Morally I grew by knowing where I stood in the gospel. That may have just been through growing up in my teenage years, but I think it was because of this trial. My integrity grew from my Dad’s example and him always being honest with people and what was going on. I learned that bad things happen to good people. Just because you may be living a close to perfect life, bad things will still happen. I also learned that trials are for your good. Maybe I didn’t see the whole picture while I was going through it, but I definitely see it now. I would have never had the growth I had in my adolescence if it wasn’t for this trial. The last thing I learned: The best way to get through something is to surround yourself with good friends and family.

Conclusion

I am the person I am today because of this trial. There could have been many different outcomes from this. I could have left the church because I thought Heavenly Father wasn’t being fair or was giving me too much and I couldn’t handle it. Or, I could have chosen what I did and made the best of my situation, looking on the bright side and making the most of my trial. My Dad was very special to me, but this trial was also a very special thing at a very special critical time in my life. Trials may seem more then bearable at the time. But they are only to help us, not make us fail. I know that my family agreed to have this happen to us, and we all promised we would stay strong and become better from it. I believe that is exactly what happened. After all, that’s what our trials are for, to help us learn and grow in ways only trials can.