FULL (near exploding) Heart

I can’t even explain how truly grateful I am right now. For everything in my life! I do not know what I’m doing wrong… or right, but literally, I’m getting everything I need right now. That sounds like I’m really selfish, but I just really really have no idea what I’m doing right at the moment. Not that I feel like I’m doing anything completely wrong… but I’m not doing anything extremely different than I was before. Still reading my scriptures and praying every night. I might be doing those things differently, a little better I guess… but still! Seriously! I am so blessed and I just don’t know how to thank my Heavenly Father adequately. I know that I will never be able to fully thank him, but I just don’t know what to do. I really do feel selfish. It’s not like I asked for anything big, just something small that I have been struggling with lately, but I didn’t even really ask for it, I just kind of asked about it… but I just don’t get why all of these other people have to suffer while I just get everything I need and even want! I mean come on. I’m here. At BYU! My DREAM school! I’m living in this super nice apartment and I pay way less than most people! I have a fabulous family, close and extended on both sides. I have money so I don’t have to starve. I am healthy!! The gospel! I have a car to use while I have Miss. Saratoga Springs stuff to get to for the next month. I even just received financial aid… no idea why or how, but I already had a scholarship, now I just have some for next year. Even my phone is a blessing! This computer! My bed! I’m even going on quite a few dates! UG!  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, I just do not get it! Why would someone like me get all of these wonderful things? I’m just waiting for the bomb to hit. But I can’t stop being so grateful for all the many many blessings that He gives me. This just makes me want to be better so that I can feel (at least a tiny tiny bit) like I am giving something in return.

Ok, I know none of this is making sense, I just really (obviously) cannot put it into words! It’s amazing to see things in your patriarchal blessing come true! It’s just as amazing to always feel the spirit because you know that everything you are receiving is not just coincidence, it’s all from Heavenly Father. And I truly 110% believe that.